Cochroach wars....

I moved into my tiny little dive apartment a few weekends ago.....No heat, no air conditioning, the refrigerator didn't work plugged into the socket behind it, so, I have had to run an extention cord across the room.   The oven doesn't work, the large element on the stove only comes on one setting - extermely high.   Someone had their washer hooked up to my hot water (in the communial area underneath the house), the shower sprays water everywhere, the fire alarm doesn' t have a cover on it, oh yeah, and THERE IS A BOAT PARKED IN MY PARKING SPOT!    I sent an email to the rental agent, but, she was on leave for a week with no back up.   Now, 11 days have gone by.  No response.   That's ok, I'll contact the owner directly.  That will get her attention!!

My severe and chronic cockroach phobia dedicated that I get the place professional sprayed before moving in.  So, I forked over $100 and assumed that I was safe for at least awhile.     The guy who lived there before was a total slob and a computer gaming geek.  He never opened any of the windows.  Uck!!!   So, I was airing out the place with all the windows and doors open.    All the windows/doors have screen except for one over the kitchen sink.   The apartment is on stilts, so, it never occurred to me that those lowdown scum of the earth creatures would crawl up the stilts to get to me.  But, they did…..  I went into the little bedroom to get ready for bed, and then went back out into the kitchen.   There was 2 GIANT cockroaches racing up the curtain!   I freaked out!    I didn’t have any roach spray (I hadn’t even begun to unpack), so, I grabbed some toxic oven cleaner out of the cabinet and started it all over them!  UCK!!!!    The one raced out the window and the other one disappeared behind the stove.     EWWWW!!!!  So, I slammed the window shut and ran back into my room. 

I got in bed and pulled up the covers, quaking on the inside.      I kept telling myself, it was just because I had the window open, it was just because I have the window open!.  There aren’t any more!  There aren't any more!   But, then a little voice inside my head said…”what if some others had crawled in?   What if they came up from the drain and reinforcement troops were on their way?  what about the one behind the stove???”.   I leapt out of bed and jammed a row of socks along the door frame so that little monster couldn’t come after me in my sleep, then jumped back in bed and pulled the covers tight around me.   I kept trying to convince myself that I should plan a surprise counter attack and leap back into the kitchen, snap on the light and see if I could catch any more and shoot them down with the toxic oven cleaner, but, I just couldn’t muster up the necessary courage.  So, I huddled under my covers for the rest of the night, and, trust me, it wasn’t visions of sugar plum fairies going through my head.  

The next morning, I slowly and cautiously opened the door.   Sure enough, right in front of my bedroom door was the cockroach, laying flat on this back, his legs pointing up in the air.  He was on his way to get me!  But,  I had thwarted his dastardly plan this time around!   Today, at lunchtime, it was off to Big W for supplies for tonight’s battle.  I bought not 1, but, two bottles of roach spray, one with a special nosal for hard to reach areas, the other, promising extra toxic poisons to be spewed into the air upon spraying.  Oh goodie! Extra toxic!   I topped of my arsenal with roach traps, the kind that carries the poisons back to the nest.  I plan to set them up as sentries forming a protective parameter around the bedroom and kitchen.   Now that I am armed and dangerous, I plan some stealth attacks, turning off the kitchen light, going into the bedroom and closing the bedroom door.   Then, after a few minutes, yank open the door, sprint to the light, turn it on and blast ‘em with toxins!!    Wooo hoooo!   Now, if I can just get up the courage to go home.  

As I stelthfully climb up the stairs to the apartment, I take out the killer toxic spray....I unlock the door and cautiously push it open.   Without entering, I snake my hand around and turn on the light...my spray posed and ready for battle....

Stay tuned for the next epiosoide of...Cochroach wars!