Friday, December 19, 2008

Ribs


The apartment complex that I live at is very old and the steps are worn down and are as smooth as a baby’s butt. The last Thursday in November, we had a rain storm, and the steps were slicker then glass. I was simply running down the stairs in my thongs (OK, GET THAT VISUAL OUT OF YOUR HEAD! I KNOW THAT WAS FRIGHTENING!) a.k.a “flip-flops”, simply taking out the rubbish and checking on my laundry, being the Susie Homemaker that I am, before heading to bed, when I got to the 3rd to last step and my feet slipped from underneath and I flew up into the air and landed right on my ribs onto the last step. I could not get up. I could not move. I could not breathe, for what seemed an eternity. Finally, I dragged myself upstairs, clutching my back in excruciating pain. I tried to lie down, but, it hurt too much. I took some over the counter pain meds and waited for the pain to subside, but, it never did. So, I had to face it, I knew something was wrong. But, how to get to hospital? (by the way, you don't say: "the hospital", it is simply referred to as "hospital"). So, how to get to hospital? I don't know how to dial for the ambo! (ambo is how you say ambulance!) then, a vague recollection of reading somewhere, on some sign that emergency services could be reached by dialling 000. After much sobbing, wailing and gnashing of teeth, I finally managed to get an ambo dispatched to the house.




I spent the next several hours in the ER waiting room amusing myself by watching a crazy lady on crutches storming around the waiting room (as best as one can storm about on crutches) cursing at the top of her lungs like a drunken sailor about how she had been waiting there for hours, for days! (I feel your pain, sister!), watching the police escort a guy in with handcuffs who was crying and wailing with promises that he would never do it again, if they would just let him go and so forth, when, at about 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning, the doctor FINALLY got around to looking at my x-rays, and realized that, hey, I really was injured, and wasn't, as Roy so often use to love to say "another drug seeking dirt ball", they whisked me off into the ward, where I spent the next SIX days. Silly me, I thought I would only be in hospital for a brief stint, not an extended stay. So, I brought nothing with me, not clean clothes, no books, no telephone calling card. Turns out, I had TWO broken ribs and a lacerated liver. OUCH!



On the bright side, the entire time I was there, I was hopped up on morphine!!! Weeeeeeee……!!!!! Straight from the machine into my arm with an IV. After spending several days this way, I affectionately named my machine “Peachy”. As in, “How are you doing??” “just Peachy”. Because of the laceration in my liver, I was not permitted to even take a pee without assistance. Not to worry though, life is grand when you have pumped up with morphine!

I would spend the entire day just snoozing…earplugs in my ears, a pair of clean knickers (underwear) over my eyes. One day, however, the pain medicine “team”, in their infinite wisdom, decided to adjust my pain medicine and add something new to the mix. Needless to say, it did NOT go over well. As soon as it coursed through my veins, my eyes popped open, my heart started pounding wildly! I threw the knickers off my eyes, I took the earplugs out of my ears and ripped the oxygen out of my nose, and pulled off my elastic tights. I had to get out of there! I stormed down the hall, towards the elevator, in my hospital gown, dragging Peachy behind me. The nurses were chasing after me “Renee! Ms Palmer! What are you doing? Where are you going??” I informed them under no uncertain terms, that I was leaving. I was going home! Needless to say, this plan was not received with great enthusiasm. Just the opposite. So, with my grand escape plot was foiled and I was escorted back to bed, where the pain team was hastily summoned to readjust my meds.

After a few more days of misery, I was released from my prison cell and permitted to return home. As I had no clean clothes, I marched outside in my hospital gown and waited in the taxi queue. I am sure there is a lesson or two to be learned from this entire, miserable experience, although I have yet to figure out what it is. However, one tip that I did learn is, that if you wait for a taxi in long taxi queue, in your hospital gown, you will immediately be moved to the front of the line. You may want to try this sometime when you are in a hurry.

Ah, home sweet home! I was so overjoyed to be there, that I did not let anything rain on my parade. Not the fact that the property manager STILL had not arranged to get my broken window fixed, (let’s see, it’s been HOW many months now? Three???) and that pesky possum had figured out how to get passed the cardboard barrier that I had taped up before my most unfortunate incident and had proceed to have a party with some other possums in my bathroom. Again. Ah, welcome home, home sweet home!!!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Brisbane


Well, I have been here almost a year! And I haven't posted any pictures of Brisbane! So, here you go....

Brisbane view from Mt. Cootha



I take City Cat or walk to work...Here is City Cat under the Story Bridge



Brisbane along the river





The famous Story bridge. And, yes, those are people on top of the bridge! There are currently three bridges in the world that you can climb, one in New Zealand, one in Sydney, and this one, the Story Bridge! And yes, I have done it! And, being scared of heights, I was terrified! I had to talk to myself the entire time..."You can do it, one step at a time, you can do it..."







Guys working on Story Bridge...









On Story Bridge, looking toward New Farm, where I live...



On Story Bridge, looking toward New Farm, where I live, but, on the other side of the River...



Story Bridge At Night





Monday, December 8, 2008

Handcuffs


It has been a rough, few months. The first in a string of tragedies and difficult events was my father’s passing a few months ago. I went to Flint Michigan for my father's funeral and to bring my mother back here. Ah and what a trip is was! What a week from hell. To top it off, the “Dashing Doctor” was suppose to fly in to be with me, and ended up cancelling because of the tropical storm in North Carolina. (Just for the record, his flight left on time).

My mom was such a basket case by Friday night (the night before we were going to leave for Australia) she said to me and Nick: "I know there is something important that I have to do tomorrow, but, I just can't think of what it is". Me and Nick just looked at each other. I said "ah...mom??? you are leaving for Australia tomorrow?" “Ah yes, I knew there was something important I had to do tomorrow”. Oohhhh.....kayyy.....

But, the crowning moment was on Friday. My sister, Charna, went with me to the library so that we could use the internet to get my mom's vistor’s visa. That turned out to be too complicated, so, we went to AAA to get it there, which is conveniently located by the mall. So, of course, Charna wanted to go shopping. After I dragged her out of Macy's, we finally got in mom's car and headed home, late as usual.

I noticed that this police car seemed to be following me. I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong, I hadn't been drinking (well, I had a drink at lunch time, but, that was hours ago), and I was adhering to the speed limit. Yet, I would switch lanes, they would switch lanes. Charna said "pull into a parking lot", and I said no, I am not doing anything wrong. I looked again, and they were gone, they had pulled into a Kmart parking lot. Shew, just my imagination. Yet, a few minutes later, there they were - again! Now, I was really getting nervous. Sure enough "WHOOP, WHOOP", and the blue lights start flashing. It is a 4 land busy road with no shoulder, so, I just eased over to the cube and turned off the car. I then look in my rear view mirror, and was stunned to see that the police office had his door open and was crouched behind it, and was pointing a gun...AT ME!

He yelled "DRIVER - THROW your keys on the road".
I threw my keys out into the road.
He yelled at me to GET OUT OF THE CAR NOW and S L O W L Y and put my hands up in the air where he could see them.
I got out of the car S L O W L Y and put my hands up in the air where he could see them.
He then yelled at me to turn around and walk backward S L O W L Y with my hands up in the air.

By now, the Mexicans across the street are all hanging out their windows and on their porches to watch the show.

I had to KNEEL ON THE ROAD, of a 4 lane major artery into the city, at which point, he ran up and slapped the handcuffs on me! all this time, I have NO IDEA what is going on. He then pushed me into the back of the first squad car.

At this point, there are now THREE squad cars there, including a sheriff and a female officer, whom I am assuming was there to escort us to jail so we couldn't say that anything "inappropriate" was done.
He then left me in the squad car, sitting sideways because my hands were cuffed behind me. the handcuff were on SO TIGHT that I did not have proper circulation in my left hand for 2 DAYS afterward.

So, what was all this about? I still didn't know. they put my sister in the other squad car. Well, as it turns out, when they were driving behind me, they ran the plate. and it showed up as a stolen vehicle. So, instead of doing a little bit of research, they immediate pull me over and put me through that. as it turns out, there was a car with a TEXAS plate with the same number as my moms that had been reported stolen. HELLO??? DID YOU NOT THINK TO CHECK ON THIS FIRST?????!!!!!!

When the knuckle head had finally figured it out, and ask us for our addresses - she said California and I said Australia. He said "what are you doing in Flint? " we said "We are here to go to our FATHER'S FUNERAL!" and then you put us through that! I just said, "may I leave now????" Can you believe that sh*t??? Then, we were REALLY late getting home and my sister in law was even more pissed at me. yes, it was a delightful trip. :-)


Welcome back to the US! I have to say, I was never so glad to go back to work in my life!! I tell you, when we landed on Australian soil, I just wanted to kiss the ground that I was going to walk on!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

A fine cuisine chef makes her debut!



Ah yes, I decided that I wanted to start cooking! So, I am cooking a roast tonight! Ok, never mind that it is a “prepackaged, marinated, all you have to do is put it in the oven”, roast, but, this is still one BIG step above opening a can, pouring the contents into a microwave and pressing the number 2! Not only that, but, I actually figured out how to turn ON the oven! Ah, you scoff at me! But, this is no ordinary oven.....no! This is some ancient artifact from the 1800 where they did not have electricity! No! It requires rubbing 2 sticks together, chanting a sequence of spells, pressing and holding a knob in just the right spot, and lighting a fire at the very back of the oven at just the right spot, at just the right moment! And tonight, the oven gods were in harmony, and I actually got it to light - after 6 months of trying! Ok, so, I only tried a few times, since canned food only requires a microwave, but, it has been 6 months!! So, I am now cooking a roast!! It really is too bad that I accidentally left the roast sitting out on the counter all day after I brought it home from the grocery store while I was at work. No, I decided, we can’t let a little thing like letting uncooked meat sit out on a counter for 10 hours, deter us from our new cooking ways.

Ever the safety cautious person that I am, I realized that it was of the utmost importance for maintaining good health, to cook the meal thoroughly, especially since it had been left out on the countertop for 10 hours.

So, I waited patiently for the indicator to go off. At long last, smoke billowed out of the oven and the smoke detector went off, indicating that the meat has been thoroughly cooked! Ever cautious, I double checked by pounding the meat on the counter to ensure that it has the consistence of a rock. And it did! Mission accomplished, and dinner is ready! After making a trip to the storage unit for a small hand saw required to cut the meat, and after much anticipation, I partake in my first roast! I think I may have chipped a tooth in the process, but that is the price you have to pay from time to time, when you have such a refined and distinguished palette as mine.

As I bounced out of bed the next morning, I realized that I wasn’t quite feeling like my usual chirpy and enthusiastic self! Instead I was experiencing stomach cramps, weakness and an overall feeling of fatigue. Ah, but, of course, I am on my monthly cycle! So, not to worry! Ibuprofen to the rescue! I take the prescribed dosage. But, still, the cramps and sickness do not pass. Then, I remember my motto! “If one is good, then two is better”! So, I take another dosage and stagger off to work.

I have moved from the “Indian Curry bowl” fish bowl room to the “We are the world” fish bowl room. We are all crammed in their like sardines. And as usually, the temperature has risen to at least 100. As I sit in my seat, the room starts to spin, and sweat is raining off my face. The Indonesian guy is yammering away the other Indonesian guy, in only a language they understand. The aussie guy is yammering to anyone who will listen, which is usually just me, and the Chinese guy is singing Chinese pop songs in Chinese, and occasionally, when he is feeling inspired, he breaks out into a course of whistling! Meanwhile, I am feeling quite nauseous, and trying not to hurl on my keyboard. Chalking it up to too many meds, I decide that maybe I need to rethink this “if one is good, then two is better” motto. And I reflect that I have never had such a miserable period. Never does the thought cross my mind that it could be from ANYTHING else, I mean, surely not from my cooking techniques, as now I am an experienced chef after successfully cooking my first roast!

Somehow I make it through the day, and then I stagger off to Photography class, homework hastily done, moments before, and thoroughly unprepared, as usual. I attempt to hide in the corner as he is reviewing what we learned in class the week before. I begin mumbling a prayer and hope that the “I am not prepared, but, at least I am here” gods are with me. But, alas, they were off helping some other ill prepared soul. I found a spot on the wall, and focused on it, like it was the horizon off in the distance. Just like a seasick sailor, I stare at that spot and murmur to myself, “I will not hurl”, “ I will not hurl”, “no, the room is not spinning”. “Renee, can you tell us what SLR is?” MS PALMER CAN YOU TELL US WHAT SLR IS?” I was brought out of my dizzy trance, and I meekly replied “no”, and then he asked some other sort of mumbo jumbo and I again, I had to meekly reply “no”. I lowered my head in shame, and thought of the disgrace that I had brought to my fellow Americans. No wonder we are known as the stupid Americans. But, wait! Doesn’t he understand the dedication it took to drag myself into the class? And the willpower it took not to hurl???

Somehow I made it through the 2 hours and it was time to stagger home. For once I was grateful to have to make my way through the dodgy part of Brisbane. As I weaved and staggered like a drunkard past the strip clubs and the bars, and the drunk aborigines in the door stoops, I fit right in with the winos and am given no notice.

Ah, at long last, I made it home and crawled into bed and slept like I was in a coma.

Ah, I can’t wait to try cooking my next feast!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sky Diving over Byron Bay!

Skydiving!

My mates and I went to Byron Bay for some skydiving! I have been waiting for 43 years for the opportunity to go! Now I have the money...wait, I don't have ACTUALLY have the money, but, I no longer care about my finances, so off we go!!

We decided to for the ultimate thrill - 14,000'!

Here are some pictures of skydivers that we saw while we were anxiously awaiting our turn. Oh my gosh, They are just specks in the sky.




Just another spec in the sky...




Coming in for a landing!







The prep room




Now it is our turn....Say Good bye!



Lili and Diego's triumpment return!



Renee's triumpent return - picture taken courtesty of my mother who does not know how to use a camera




Renee And Lili - All smiles!!!


Renee And Joal - All Smiles!!



The gang!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Scuba Diving Adventures near Brisbane!

An Amusing Dive Story

First, here is our top notch dive boat...




I found out that I needed an Advanced Scuba certificate to do any worthwhile dives (like dives over 60' and night dives), so, I have to hurry up and get the certificate before I go to Caines over Easter (we have a 4 day holiday, so, off I go). So, I signed up for an advanced class, the first part of which was doing 3 dives last Saturday. The boat was very nice, and it was a beautiful day, albeit very windy. As we headed off toward Moreton island, it was just beautiful and serene. And then we got out of the channel. And the water was rough. VERY rough. and we had to sit in the cabin to go over what we needed to know to pass the class. the first thing was learning how to tie knots. under water. Say what??? yes, in case you want to go in a wreck and it is so dark that you might lose your way, you better bring some string and tie it off somewhere and take it with you. Yes, that is always part of my diving agenda, isn't always part of yours? so, I was glad to be learning this skill. NOT. First of all, I am not going to go diving anywhere where I need a piece of string to take with me to find my way out! So, the guy is going on and on about tie this loop around his finger and the hold the string out and the rabbit goes through the hole and up the tree or something like that, and in the meantime, it is getting rougher and rougher and all my concentration is focused on not hurling on the guy, let alone pretending that the string is some sort of rabbit who jumps out a hole and then has to climb a tree or something. I never could learn that knot in my sailing class either. oh yeah, and we had to do this with scuba gloves on.




Anyway, even the instructor was getting ready to hurl so, we bagged the rest of the class and went above board. it just continued to go down hill from there. The visibility was horrible. Especially since I couldn't see out of my mask. You gotta hate it when that happens. it was too dirty and even spit couldn't' take care of it! after being slammed into the boat trying to take the tow line to the anchor line, and getting more and more sea sick, we finally started to descend into the murky depths. and I couldn't see anything. and I haven't scuba diving in the last few years, other then our Island trip, so, I started having a panic attack. My heart was pounding. I am freaking out. I want to hurl in my mask. Oh my gosh, it was all I could do not to just shoot up to the surface (that happened later), and start hurling. So, then we make our way down to the bottom. and the scuba diver gives a hand signal that he would be back in 5 minutes. say what? where is he going? out for a cigarette break? a hurl break? what? so, we just sit there in the bottom of the ocean wondering where the dive master went to. maybe he knows of an underwater bar or something. as it turns out, one of the people in the class never got in the water because they were too busy spewing. well, that was about the end of that dive!




So, my dive buddy (some guy I don't know) had told me that he sucks a lot of air. well, during this first dive, I was running low on air, and I don't typically suck a lot air, unless I am having a full blown panic attack, but, even so, I thought, you know, I better check this guys gauge, since I am running low on air, he must be too, and I haven't seen him check it once through the entire dive. Sure enough he was almost OUT of air. I mean, the gauge turns red on 50 (whatever measurement that they use), and his was on 20!!! so, I am pointing at it and pointing up! holy smokes! So, up to the top we went? Safety stops? who needs 'em!!! turns out his BC leaked. and the dive instructor cussed me out for not checking it better!




So back up we went. then, the line back to the boat got went UNDER the boat and, between the catamaran platoons when I was trying to make my way back, so, then I had to fight the current to get back to the boat.


Then, back on the boat, upstairs to lie down on the ground to be very still to keep the hurling at bay.



The next dive was a bit better at the start. I could see for starters, which is always helpful when diving. Then, I had to take the ball of string down to the wreck and tie it off somewhere. But, I couldn't get the rabbit to come out of the hole and go around the tree, so, I flunked that part. then, I got the line all tangled up as I made my way across the wreck, and it just went down hill from there. I had a different style tank on this time (and a 5 MIL wetsuit), and as we are heading back to the boat, all of a sudden I just shoot up to the top! just like a rocket! I tried to fight it, really I did! but, it was hopeless! up to the top like a cork! I don't think I have done that since my very first dive excursion! so, then I went back down, and there was no one to be found. of course, when you have visibility of 5', that doesn't help matter. so, I waited around for a few minutes, then back up to the top, and back over the boat, where I found them doing the safety stop (which we didn't do on the first dive by the way!!!) but, by this time, the instructor was out in the ocean looking for me. but, he came back and we all got back on the boat, for another hour of laying up on the top deck with my hoodie over my face, laying as still as possible, trying not to hurl.






On to the night dive! Where my dive partner, forgets his dive light! so, during the entire night dive, I have to watch him to make sure he doesn't get lost! man, Then, back on the boat for an hour long boat ride back to shore! Another hour of lying there as still as possible with the hoodie pulled over my face. The staff would come up there, "do you want some fruit?" " do you want some water?" Do I look like I want to eat!??


No! I look like I want to hurl, now leave me the heck alone! Actually, the water had calmed down by then, and it was a beautiful night, so, after awhile, I was able to get up and look at the stars and stuff. Still, I was never so glad to get off of a boat! Yeepii!! I can't wait until the next class!! which is tomorrow! wish me luck!


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Sacred Mt. Warning

Here I am hiking up the top of the scared Mt. Warning. I feel like super woman!!!




What a view from way up here!









My American friend - Joal




Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Hiking in the Bush - Witches Falls



Witches Falls is my favorite local hiking spot - probably because it is a palmtree forest and I love Palm trees. Probably because I grew up in a cold and snowy place, so, when I see a palm trees - it would mean that I was on some exotic vacation! Not that I ever got to go on exotic vacations, mind you. More like driving all the way to florida with my mate, and then sleeping in the car or in a tent by the side of the road!

I named my business, a computer consulting firm, after them: www.palmtreeinc.net. Ofcourse, it had something to do with my last name being palmer too! This came in handy for me because I also own a farm, and when I needed to puchase trees at a business discount for my farm because they assumed that a business called "palmtree Inc" was a landscaping firm, otherwise they would not of sold the trees to me as they only deal with landscaping businesses.








My adventure friend - Joal - out hiking with me




Little water fall

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Fiji!

The very first time I have ventured on a vacation by myself....and what a good time I had!






But, ofcourse, no trip with Renee can start without drama.....so.....I was late heading to the airport for reasons I won't go into now....but, needless to say, when I got there, they said "GOGOGO, RUNRUNRUN!" and run I did to get to the gate....when I got to security, the deligent guard asked me "any gels or liquids??" now, I have gotten used to traveling within Australia, where this 1-2-3 put your shampoo in a plastic baggy" nonesense is not required. since I wasn't traveling back to the US, I figured this was necessary. So, I did not bother with that. So, I replied "no".....I mean, after all, it was just contact solution, some liquid foundation and so forth. Well, he pulls my bag out of the queue...and takes out: contact solution, makeup, tooth paste, mouth wash, and so forth and so on....he just looks at me.....luckily, he was a real sweetie, and he took pitty on me, put the stuff in the special little baggy and ran it through security, and sent me on my way. where I promptly got stopped and had my carry on bag bomb tested and I got patted down! wow! but, I still made my flight! and do you know, when I got to my dogedy little hotel room in Fiji, I was unpacking my carry on, and I had a knife with a 6" blade on it, in MY CARRY ON! I was using my beach bag as my carryon, and I always take my fishing gear with me when I go to the beach, and somehow, I accidently left my sharp, 6" blade in my carry on!!!! what a way to start a vacation, ah????

Fiji is just fantastic! Here are some pics!





Welcome to Robinson Cruiso Island - My best scuba diving experience ever! I can't wait to go back





Crusing down the river to a native villiage



Kava ceremony...








Preparing a delicious meal for us!




Fish wrapped in palm leaves...ummmm!!! it was delicious!!










Then off to swim in a water fall! How fantastic!!




Kava drinking party! Notice how the pictures get more blurry as the night goes on!





Me and Adam - we both enjoyed watching the men dancers!