New Fruitcakes, nutcakes and crazy dating stories!

Well, I have signed up for Match (although, I must say, I was disappointed not to get more input from you guys on my photos!!) and have already heard from some members of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones".

Here we have a nice bloke from Bundaburg, who writes:

Hi yankeegirlinau im xxxxx and and your profile is not bad and your not bad on the eye .i take people fishing for barramundi up in gin gin north of brisy . so if you would like to come up and go fishing we can talk and get to now each other .


The "gin-gin"??? Where the heck is the "gin-gin"? I looked it up on mapquest, but, couldn't find it. I was relieved to know that he though that my profile was "not bad" and that I was "not bad on the eyes" either. That was real encouraging. He than said that he could send some more photos of himself, but, they were mostly naked. Let's all say it together "he is a member of the Clan of the Crazy Ones". Yep!

For you North Carolinians - he is the equivalent of a Southern Redneck - yes, they have them here as well, however, they don't have that Southern Drawl.

And Bundaburg.....that reminds me of my stint in the hospital, where the old guy in the hospital bed next to mind kept yelling "I am from Bundaberg! I am from Bundaberg!" and I thought to myself. "I must go to this Bundaberg, it must be an amazing place, because he keeps shouting about it. And, happensstance would have it - that on my flight back from Lady Elliot Island (better know to use as Poop Island) we stopped in Bundaberg! and I broke part of the plane! yep! I used the wrong switch to open the door and attempted to open the window and it popped out of it's lining. Ah, fond memories of Bundaberg.


So, we go from "not bad" to another fruitcake who tells me that I am THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN on earth. Ok, we all know that is not true, but, I got excited when I read it. However, as I continued reading, (after finding out that he owns an art store and travels all around the world, yeah right), he says that there is some problem with Match that won't let anyone view his profile (yeah, right). But, the topper is that at the end of the email, after all the adulations of my great beauty, he ends it with saying "RESPOND BACK IN ENGLISH PLEASE!". English? Ok, I am AMERICAN! Last time I checked the country's primary language is ENGLISH (ok, maybe it is Spanish, but, most of us speak English too), so, why would he need to say that??? Then, it dawns on me! I am NOT the most beautiful woman in the world to him! He is mass mailing this email to all chicks on Match!!! Otherwise, why would he need to say this? Fruitcake! and definately a member of the Clan of the Crazy Ones.

Stay tuned for more silliness....

Fruitcakes, nutcakes and crazy dating stories!

Hello Everyone!

As you know, I have dared to step into the world of ON-LINE DATING!!!! And, as you can imagine, I will have plenty of stories to report back to you!! I will post these stories to this post - so, keep checking it for new craziness! That is, if anyone even responses to on-line profile.

But, to keep you all entertained in the meantime, let me tell you about a few interesting characters I have met in my journey throughout life over here in Australia...

I have come to the conclusion many years ago that I have invisible writing on my forehead, that only the "Clan Of Crazy Ones" (CCO for short) can see - and it says: "Oh Crazy One, Oh Crazy One - You are welcome here! Come! Talk to me! Come! Be a part of My Life! Oh Crazy One, Oh Crazy One, I am waiting for you!"

Well, I am not sure EXACTLY what it says, since I am not a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones", but, that is what I have been able to ascertain from my live experience.

1. The Creepy Neighbor Story: I see my neighbor all the time. He looks like a skinny wino with brown teeth, yet he IS my neighbor, and I spent the last 15 years "down south" in North Carolina, so, I have picked up that Southern hospitality, where it would be considered quite rude not to introduce yourself to your neighbor when you see them. Plus, what happens if the building catches on fire and I am asleep? Will he bang on my door if I am stand offish snob? I think not. So, I made the mistake of introducing myself, just to be polite, not knowing that he was a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones" (although, I should of guessed it from the way he looked!!!")

So, one day, I find a bouquet of flowers leaning against my storage unit - THEY WERE WRAPPED IN BLACK!!! I freaked! I was like - oh no! a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones" has flipped! they are sending me flowers wrapped in black to represent a funeral - my own!!! (ok, I do spend a lot of my free time reading suspense novels, where things like that happend - but still - flowers wrapped in BLACK??) But, then I stopped and thought - wait, no man (or woman for that matter) gives a rats ass about me out here - not even enough to be pissed off enough to send flowers wrapped in black - who then.....ah! it must be the creepy neighbor! When I ran into him later, he asked if I liked the flowers, so, that mystery solved. Being the well bred, southern hospitality dame that I have become, so, I left him a little thank you note in his mailbox, as I was brought up to do - if someone gives you a gift, you thank them for it, so, I was just doing, what I considered, the polite thing. Well, he is always asking me to go shopping with him, if I see him on Saturday mornings, and I always turn him down. Then, on Valentine's Day, I got a card in my mail box - with NOTHING written on it. NOTHING!! Just a card in an envelope, with nothing written on the envelope, and nothing written in the card. What a freak! (but, at least SOMEONE thought of me on Valentine's day, even if it was a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones") AND looks like a shriveled brown tooth drunk. Then, just the other day, I got my mail, and he had returned my thank you card!! And now, he refuses to look at me, let alone speak to me. I guess because I didn't go shopping with him?? who knows - only those who are members of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones" would understand his action. What a FREAK!!! HE IS MOST DEFINATELY A MEMBER OF THE CLAN OF THE CRAZY ONES......


2. The Pervert On the Beach Story: I went to the beach at Bribie Island in the afternoon a few weekends ago. After going for a swim, I went for my usual long walk. I love this beach (it is actually an island), because the beach goes on for miles and miles. So, I just walk and walk and there is hardly ever anyone around. So, I am on my way back, and this rather attractive guy approaches me. We start talking - where do you live, what do you do and so forth. he said he had "Come into a bit of money" so, he didn't have to work. (Must be nice). We talk for a bit, and he asked if I felt like going for a swim. I said "sure!" as the water is nice and warm, and it is always safer to go into the water in pairs, if there are no life guards around. We are just paddling around in the waves, and I noticed that he didn't have his swim costume on (that is what they call swim suits here!)!! WTF - he is NAKED!!!???!!! The next thing I know he was trying to get closer to me, so, I just got the hell out of the water. Ofcourse, he starts apologizing profusely, telling me that he didn't mean to frighten me, and that I am just so beautiful (I am glad that SOMEONE thinks so, even if it IS a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones"). So, I immediately make a bee line to get out of there. But, not to be detered, he starts walking after me begging me to meet him at the beach next Sunday. I just told him goodbye and continued on my merry way. Next, thing I know, he is running up behind me and says - "at 4:30! at 4:30! I will be here at 4:30 next Sunday, please come to the beach I beg of you!" can you believe that??? I THINK NOT. He is one of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones".

Stay tuned for more stories.....like THE STALKER...coming up next........

I need you help! I am FINALLY coming out of my shell and need your advice

To all my dear friends...It has been over a year now since I broke up with the "Dashing Doctor" and he recently sent me an email to inform me that he is dating someone else now - so, I have decided that it's time to come out of my shell - and start dating! And I need your help!

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My beloved sister-n-law has encouraged me to give on-line dating a try, even though I have had some frightening experiences with that in the past. So, I am going to forge right through my hesitation and my reservations, and, I am going to sign up on Match.com!!!

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I have to decide what photos to put out there, and I would love to have your advise. Please advise me on which photos you like the best, and which one you think should be the primary photo.

In addition, here is my profile - If you could tell me what you think could improve it, it would be greatly appreciated! I have included this underneath the photos.


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Here is my profile introduction - please let me know what you think! ya'll know me, so, please...let me know what you think!! xoxooxoxo -Renee


I moved here from American on a 457 4 year work visa. I am thrilled at the opportunity to live in Australia! I am looking for a companion who loves the great outdoors too! A happy person who wants to enjoy all that life has to offer with me!

I love to travel, and been to many far away places and hope to go to many more! I have gone scuba diving extensively throughout the Carribean, and now I am looking forward to scuba diving on this side of the world!

Camping at the beach, boating, and water skiing/wake boarding, sailing, snow skiing, rowing, tennis, are top on my list of favorite activities! Skinny dipping at night is fun too! I also enjoy the "finer things" that life has to offer, such as wandering around museams and book stores, sipping wine or coffee in an outdoor cafe, going to concerts or an orchestra or ballet.

I love to dress up to go out, and dress down to go out into great outdoors!

I am an easy going, fun loving person, so, let's go explore Austrlia and the world!

Introduction: I moved here from American on a 457 4 year work visa. I am thrilled at the opportunity to live in Australia! I am looking for a companion who loves the great outdoors too! A happy person who wants to enjoy all that life has to offer with me!

I love to travel, and been to many far away places and hope to go to many more! I have gone scuba diving extensively throughout the Carribean, and now I am looking forward to scuba diving on this side of the world!

Camping at the beach, boating, and water skiing/wake boarding, sailing, snow skiing, rowing, tennis, bush walking, and bike riding, are top on my list of favorite activities! Skinny dipping at night is fun too! I also enjoy the "finer things" that life has to offer, such as wandering around museams and book stores, sipping wine or coffee in an outdoor cafe, going to concerts or an orchestra or ballet.

I love to dress up to go out, and dress down to go out into great outdoors!

I am an easy going, fun loving person, so, let's go explore Austrlia and the world!

Adventures on Poop Island!

Ah! On to another adventure! Off to Lady Elliot Island! It is on the southern most tip of the great barrier reef! Just a 4 hour drive north of Brisbane. Then, just like a movie star, you jump on a small charter plane and land on the island right next to the resort!





After that, though the feeling was immediately gone - when I saw my accommodations! Hey, they don't call it the "ECONO" lodge for nothing!!!



It is basically a permanent tent with concrete floor and 4 bunk beds. I, of course, slept on the upper bunk where each night, I would continuously hit my head on the rafters.




I have decided that the island name should be changed from "Lady Elliot" to the "Island of the Birds...AND their poop!" OH MY GOSH, THERE ARE BIRDS EVERYWHERE! and poop is just flying through the air! the whole place reeks of poop! Poop on the ground, poop on the chairs, poop in the trees! poop everywhere! poop! poop! poop!





And, at night, there is a bird called the "Mutton Bird" and it goes: WHOOOOOOOOOO! WHOOOOOOOO! all night, like a ghost! so, the first night, I go into my ECNO lodge tent and the first thing I see is this HUGE cockroach, the size of a small rat! I TOTALLY FREAK OUT! Luckily, they just happen to have a can of ROACH spray in the ECNO tent, (ummmmm, that should of been a BIG CLUE!!!!) so, I blasted him into oblivion!!! then, between the birds racket, the ghosts screaming and the cockroaches running around, I was scared to go to sleep. So, I said, that's it, I don't care if the sign says to please turn off the lights to save electricity since it is run on generator, I am sleeping with the lights on to keep the cockroaches from waging a war on me. but, after awhile, I thought, has anyone actually ever DIED from a cockroach? other than from fright, possibly? and I am quite proud to tell you that I rationally convinced myself to turn off the light, but, of course, proceed to wake up every hour, on the hour, from a roach induced panic attack!





The diving, however, was specatual! Especially the last dive, where I finally got the nerve up to drop some weight, and my bouncancy (spell?) was PERFECT! Ah, we were done there for OVER AN HOUR! Just me and the dive master! And we saw sharks, mana rays, all sorts of fish, turtles, it was fantastic!!! and we got do our safety stop right above the reef! and as a final good bye, we saw some silver tipped sharks! The whole experience was like swimming in someone's fabulous aquarium! Little, tiny colorful, tropical fish everywhere! ah, it was gorgeous! Lets go dive....we would ride a golf cart across the island, and a guy driving a tractor would lug all our gear. The boat would pull up and we would jump on and off you go! Here is a little picture movie to give you an idea:




Tutles




The turtle's were hatching their eggs and the little hatchlings that got left behind had been gathered up, and we got to let them out into the ocean at night!





Ah, it was so cool to see the little turtles running down the beach!

This little guy made it into the water!!




Everyone wanted a picture of the turtles! Even if they had to take it with their cell phone!



And yes, this is a real, live frog...



I met some really cool people (More about that shortly...), and the food was great, so, all and all, it was quite an adventure!








Time for take off!!!