Fruitcakes, nutcakes and crazy dating stories!

Hello Everyone!

As you know, I have dared to step into the world of ON-LINE DATING!!!! And, as you can imagine, I will have plenty of stories to report back to you!! I will post these stories to this post - so, keep checking it for new craziness! That is, if anyone even responses to on-line profile.

But, to keep you all entertained in the meantime, let me tell you about a few interesting characters I have met in my journey throughout life over here in Australia...

I have come to the conclusion many years ago that I have invisible writing on my forehead, that only the "Clan Of Crazy Ones" (CCO for short) can see - and it says: "Oh Crazy One, Oh Crazy One - You are welcome here! Come! Talk to me! Come! Be a part of My Life! Oh Crazy One, Oh Crazy One, I am waiting for you!"

Well, I am not sure EXACTLY what it says, since I am not a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones", but, that is what I have been able to ascertain from my live experience.

1. The Creepy Neighbor Story: I see my neighbor all the time. He looks like a skinny wino with brown teeth, yet he IS my neighbor, and I spent the last 15 years "down south" in North Carolina, so, I have picked up that Southern hospitality, where it would be considered quite rude not to introduce yourself to your neighbor when you see them. Plus, what happens if the building catches on fire and I am asleep? Will he bang on my door if I am stand offish snob? I think not. So, I made the mistake of introducing myself, just to be polite, not knowing that he was a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones" (although, I should of guessed it from the way he looked!!!")

So, one day, I find a bouquet of flowers leaning against my storage unit - THEY WERE WRAPPED IN BLACK!!! I freaked! I was like - oh no! a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones" has flipped! they are sending me flowers wrapped in black to represent a funeral - my own!!! (ok, I do spend a lot of my free time reading suspense novels, where things like that happend - but still - flowers wrapped in BLACK??) But, then I stopped and thought - wait, no man (or woman for that matter) gives a rats ass about me out here - not even enough to be pissed off enough to send flowers wrapped in black - who then.....ah! it must be the creepy neighbor! When I ran into him later, he asked if I liked the flowers, so, that mystery solved. Being the well bred, southern hospitality dame that I have become, so, I left him a little thank you note in his mailbox, as I was brought up to do - if someone gives you a gift, you thank them for it, so, I was just doing, what I considered, the polite thing. Well, he is always asking me to go shopping with him, if I see him on Saturday mornings, and I always turn him down. Then, on Valentine's Day, I got a card in my mail box - with NOTHING written on it. NOTHING!! Just a card in an envelope, with nothing written on the envelope, and nothing written in the card. What a freak! (but, at least SOMEONE thought of me on Valentine's day, even if it was a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones") AND looks like a shriveled brown tooth drunk. Then, just the other day, I got my mail, and he had returned my thank you card!! And now, he refuses to look at me, let alone speak to me. I guess because I didn't go shopping with him?? who knows - only those who are members of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones" would understand his action. What a FREAK!!! HE IS MOST DEFINATELY A MEMBER OF THE CLAN OF THE CRAZY ONES......


2. The Pervert On the Beach Story: I went to the beach at Bribie Island in the afternoon a few weekends ago. After going for a swim, I went for my usual long walk. I love this beach (it is actually an island), because the beach goes on for miles and miles. So, I just walk and walk and there is hardly ever anyone around. So, I am on my way back, and this rather attractive guy approaches me. We start talking - where do you live, what do you do and so forth. he said he had "Come into a bit of money" so, he didn't have to work. (Must be nice). We talk for a bit, and he asked if I felt like going for a swim. I said "sure!" as the water is nice and warm, and it is always safer to go into the water in pairs, if there are no life guards around. We are just paddling around in the waves, and I noticed that he didn't have his swim costume on (that is what they call swim suits here!)!! WTF - he is NAKED!!!???!!! The next thing I know he was trying to get closer to me, so, I just got the hell out of the water. Ofcourse, he starts apologizing profusely, telling me that he didn't mean to frighten me, and that I am just so beautiful (I am glad that SOMEONE thinks so, even if it IS a member of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones"). So, I immediately make a bee line to get out of there. But, not to be detered, he starts walking after me begging me to meet him at the beach next Sunday. I just told him goodbye and continued on my merry way. Next, thing I know, he is running up behind me and says - "at 4:30! at 4:30! I will be here at 4:30 next Sunday, please come to the beach I beg of you!" can you believe that??? I THINK NOT. He is one of the "Clan of the Crazy Ones".

Stay tuned for more stories.....like THE STALKER...coming up next........